I understand, I really do. Sometimes you just can’t let go of things, even if they are bad for you. It’s like how you convinced yourself The Phantom Menace was a good movie the first time you saw it. Just as fond memories of Luke and Leia can make even Jar Jar look good, nostalgic thoughts of your first zombie in the original Resident Evil can prompt you to overlook the flaws of later titles.  Well, sometimes you just need to pull the plug.  So let’s look at a few gameplay mechanics that are probably better off dead.

Tank Controls

It’s pretty simple really.  There’s nothing wrong with tank-like controls, as long as you’re controlling a tank.  If I’m a human being, I expect to be able to move like one.  This type of control scheme was at least mildly acceptable in the earlier days of gaming and in the first Resident Evil.  3D environments were still awfully new, and dual-analog stick controllers were still a pipe dream.  Developers were still trying to figure out how to best control a character in 3D space – and I LOVED the first Resident Evil.

But there are no more excuses for tank controls.  It’s awkward.  Imprecise.  Clunky.  I walked around the world of Heavy Rain like a drunk on a 3-day bender – running into walls, getting caught on furniture, missing doorways.  It was a little embarrassing.  Then I booted up RE5, and I felt like I was moving through molasses or something.  Zombies and a dude with a massive axe want to chew on my face, and I turn to run away like I’m on a Sunday stroll through the park. 

SSSLLLOOOOWWW  Targeting

This busted mechanic often goes hand-in-hand with the lousy tank controls.  Why do some targeting reticles move like molasses in January?  There’s a zombie over there, now SHOOT IT.  Sheesh.  Hugh Hefner has quicker hand-eye coordination than some of these fools in video games.  Are you honestly telling me that a specially trained commando takes that long to target something?  I guess it’s no wonder he’s on zombie clean-up detail in South America.

Stupidly Sticky Cover

Cover systems were a revolution in shooters, and a mechanic that I wouldn’t want to be without.  The problem is they still haven’t gotten it completely right.  I can recall dozens of deaths where I either: a) took cover when I didn’t want to or b) found myself unable to break away from cover to run away.  I just want cover systems to become more intelligent (I’m asking a lot, I know.)  Does the game really think I wanted to lean up against this wall right in front of a M-16 wielding bad guy?  This also factors into some traversal/grab systems in games like Assassin’s Creed and Uncharted.  Sometimes I really DON’T want to stick to every wall in the environment. 

Sprinting

Ugh.  I don’t want to have to tap or hold down a particular button to sprint (I’m looking at you, GTA).  If I can sprint without getting tired or without breaking the gameplay in some way, I want to sprint all the time automatically.  My right trigger finger is tired, and I’m sick of holding it down to sprint through the streets of Firenze or through the corridors of Arkham.  Just make me run at top speed all the time, please.  I know some people think they want to kind of “role play” and walk around a beautiful environment at normal walking speed, but those people are dumb.  Make THEM hold down a button to walk normal.  The rest of us have crap to do and want to do it quickly.

When I think about these kind of mechanics, I wonder how they made it out of testing.  Wasn’t there a single voice of reason saying “hey, tank controls are so 1998, maybe it’s time for a change.”  Didn’t any of the dudes who had to play the game for 9 hours straight say they were sick of holding down the sprint button?  I don’t get it. 

There are plenty more where these came from – busted save systems, horrible control schemes, idiotic puzzles – what are some of the gameplay mechanics you would like to see dead?

I realize that in a lot of ways a good story is way down on the list of important gaming elements.  It is a largely visual medium that focuses primarily on interactivity, so it doesn’t necessarily supply the same blank tapestry fit for a compelling narrative like a novel or film.  The fact remains, however, that video games are no longer just “child’s play.”  As the age demographic of gamers skews ever upward, the demand increases for more meaningful experiences.  Strong storytelling is an excellent way to keep older gamers interested, and Uncharted 2 is an excellent example of how the industry is slowly moving from the old ways of game story as an afterthought to fully fleshed-out, engaging narratives. 

In the early days of video games, they were created by small, dedicated teams that had to put a whole package together: graphics, gameplay, sound and story.  These small teams put a premium on flexibility and multiple skill sets – dedicated writers didn’t really have a place.  It made sense in the early days of game development.  After all, how strong a story do you actually need for Super Mario Bros. or Tetris? 

As budgets and development teams have evolved, writers have begun to play a much more pivotal role, and the overall quality of the narrative in games has increased tremendously as a result.  Just take a look at some of the best games of the last six months or so, and you’ll see that good writing playing a pivotal role – Batman: Arkham Asylum, Assassin’s Creed II, Mass Effect 2, the list goes on and on. 

When I first played through Heavy Rain, I thought it would be the ideal example to hold up in order to address the state of storytelling, but I was wrong.  I got too hung up on some of the story’s foibles that were largely related to bad translation – then I played Uncharted 2.  (I’m late to the party, I know.)  The story of Nathan Drake has a great mix of believable dialogue, humor and thrills.  And while it doesn’t attempt to hit the same emotional highs as Heavy Rain, it also avoids any glaring missteps or massive plot holes.  The structure is also more advanced than your average video game yarn.  Rather than follow a typical linear plot, the game throws you in the middle of the action on the derailed train and fills things in via flashback as you progress.  This is a classic narrative trick used to great effect here. 

For me, the real strength of Uncharted 2 isn’t about the story itself, but about how seamlessly it works.  The tale spun here by game director and scribe Amy Hennig is nearly perfect in the context of the overall gaming experience.   The action elements blend with the story elements to create a compelling, cohesive experience.  Everything just sort of made sense, and I never felt side-tracked by any of the cinematic interludes.

For comparison’s sake, let’s talk about Batman: Arkham Asylum.  While the tale of Batman’s quest to bring down the Joker was undoubtedly well-written and exciting, there were quite a few times where I hoped for a “skip” button during story interludes.  Frankly, I just wanted to get back to slow motion punching guys in the face (in the parlance of GB’s Ryan Davis) rather than watch Batman walk slowly with a finger to his ear. 

With Uncharted 2, I never felt the itch to skip a cut scene.  Even on my successive playthroughs (now up to 3 times through and counting) I often sit back and enjoy the interplay between Drake and co. unfold, even though I know everything that happens – that’s a testament to a wonderfully crafted piece of fiction.

Moving forward, game developers need to realize that it isn’t solely about professional writing or voice actors.  A memorable story also has to work within the context of the overall gaming experience.  In the early days of Hollywood, film writers struggled with similar issues.  It too was a new medium for storytelling that was different from everything that had come before.  Much early film writing was simple or cribbed directly from the theatre.  It took screenwriters some time to gain a real understanding of the machinations of film and how they could be used to tell stories in NEW ways. 

As a medium, video games as an interactive storytelling device are in their infancy.  It will be some time before we come to realize the new and exciting ways we can tell stories interactively.  Video game creators need to learn to strike the right balance between narrative and gameplay, and look at new ways to incorporate the two.  They must realize that they need to be two parts of a single whole, not separate entities entirely.  In my opinion, Uncharted 2 walks this line better than any game I have played in some time, and I wait with bated breath for the next effort from Amy Hennig and Naughty Dog. 

There’s a kind of mystic alchemy to the creation of a gaming masterpiece; you can put together a title with eye-popping graphics, killer sound and voicework, amazing gameplay and an engaging storyline and STILL not quite have a classic on your hands. There is an unknown quality that ties all of these elements together into a perfect and cohesive gaming experience, and very few games have managed to do so. Half Life 2 and Bioshock will live on forever in the memories of those who played them because they got everything just right. Heavy Rain is a title that at times almost got it to this level, but two serious design mistakes got in the way.

Play it Again, Sam

A high level of replayability is a trait shared by every gaming masterpiece.  I played my way through Half Life 2 recently for the 5th time, and I’ve toured the world of Rapture in Bioshock 3 times, and I expect to do so again soon.  You don’t replay these games just for nostalgia’s sake, either, you play them again because they are FUN every time you boot them up.  You would think that replaying Heavy Rain would be worthwhile, with all the branching paths the story can take both on the level of individual scenes and the overall narrative, but doing so is just not nearly as enjoyable the second or third time around.

I feared that a game driven almost entirely by quick time events wouldn’t be challenging or interesting enough for an entire game.  In some ways this fear was unfounded,, as I found the QTEs engaging and oftentimes quite exciting.  The QTE-heavy playstyle worked just fine for my first journey through the game, but fell woefully short on successive playthroughs.

Normally I relish a second playthrough of a great game.  I don’t have to pay as much attention to solving puzzles or figuring out bosses or whatnot, and I’m given the freedom to explore the world and gameplay in different and interesting ways.  With Heavy Rain, I was in a rush to just get it done.  I often found myself ignoring the story-heavy interludes , and even allowed many response windows to time-out in the interest of speed.  I just wanted to get through it and see the new ending.

Beyond the problems with the immediate replayability of Heavy Rain, I frankly don’t see myself compelled to fire this game up again in 2 years the way I am with Warcraft III or Half Life 2.  I’ve literally seen everything the game has to offer, and once was more than enough.  The QTEs were a lot better than I expected, but it’s not the kind of gameplay that will draw me in again and again (like fighting Big Daddies, for instance.)  I applaud the inclusion of so many different epilogues and endings, but it’s not enough to provide the game any real longevity.

An American in Paris, Sort Of

I fully understand that Quantic Dream is a French studio, and therefore I can’t necessarily fault them for employing French voice actors almost exclusively.  The problem with this approach to Heavy Rain is that it’s set in Philadelphia, and every character is American.  I realize that this still might not be enough reason to forego French voice actors for Americans.  If Heavy Rain were a 3D action/platformer with scant story sections thrown in for flavor, I could live with it; but the crux – the absolute heart of Heavy Rain is the narrative.   A game with weighty subject matter and heavy storytelling absolutely demands believable voice actors throughout.  If I were writing a dramatic game focused on French characters, I wouldn’t be knocking on Sly Stallone’s door to see if he was available.

Still, for the most part the voice acting is serviceable, and even borders on good in some cases.  But those times where it is bad, it took me right out of the story.  One particular scene late in the game involves the death of a child, and ought to be emotional.  The obviously French voice actors had me laughing.  If your goal is high drama and you get laughter, you’re doing it wrong.

It’s not only the voice acting that could have used an American here or there, either.  Some of the writing sounds stilted, out of place, and utterly foreign.  There are many examples of this, but here are a couple of my personal favorites.  “He was struck off the medical register.”  We Americans don’t strike people off the medical register.  We take away their licenses to practice medicine.  “It’s a painkiller.  It’s for the pain.”  Wow, I never knew what painkillers were for!  Ouch.

This kind of issue isn’t unique to Heavy Rain.  Quite often the dialogue for games (even AAA titles) is written by the game designers themselves – it’s not standard practice to employ professional writers.  If games are to move forward in terms of storytelling, they MUST start employing real writers more often, and not just the Tom Clancys of the world.  Even if they only employ an editorial staff to proof stuff that’s written, that could be a big step forward.

The Final Analysis

Though Heavy Rain didn’t quite make it into the VIP club of gaming masterpieces, it is a fantastic gaming experience.  It sets a new standard in terms of photorealism, the QTE driven gameplay is often exhilarating, and the story is engaging and appropriately mysterious.  I still feel a bit bummed out about it, though.  Tightening things up here or there could have pushed it into a whole new realm of greatness, but it tripped a few times and didn’t quite get there.  It could have been a contender; a great experience that could have been incredible.  Everyone should play Heavy Rain at least once, and once may be more than enough.  I do hope that its success can help reinforce new standards in storytelling.  Perhaps it could also lead to a bit more imagination when it comes to “adult” gaming experiences that focus more on mature subjects and emotions rather than fountains of blood and sex.  Heavy Rain has at least shown that there is a market for this type of experience, and hopefully it’s a harbinger of similar titles aimed more squarely at older gamers.

Finally, some licenses I can get behind.  If you haven’t heard, Telltale games just picked up both of these licenses to start work on a couple of new episodic games.  I understand that this is a whole different ballgame for the creators of Sam and Max, but I’m feeling pretty confident that at least ONE of these licenses could turn out to be a gaming gold mine. 

Back to the Future gives all kinds of license in terms of an episodic approach.  Time travel to all sorts of times and places opens a veritable mountain of content possibilities, something the movies just barely touched.  I would think they had to start with more familiar locales, perhaps the 1950s, or at this point, perhaps the 1980s, but either would work for me.  I think their sense of humor can work really well with this license.  The question I have is this, will this be all Doc and Marty McFly?  Could they perhaps get both Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd to do voice work?  I really don’t see why not.

With Jurassic Park, I’m a little unsure how this fits into what they have done before.  Where Back to the Future fits well with the humor-laden approach to their previous games, Jurassic Park isn’t exactly all fun and games.  Will they take a lighter approach to this license, or is this a case where they will try to push their formula in a different direction? 

However it turns out, I for one am excited about the possibilities for Back to the Future.  It’s one of those movies that I will watch every time it comes on TV, and I can’t wait to see what Telltale does with it.

Thanks SlashFilm.com for the heads up!

Publishers insist that used game sales are killing them.  Gamestop laughs all the way to the bank with their massive profits from used game sales.  Gamers, well, gamers are torn on the issue, including me.  Part of me thinks when you buy a product, you should have every right to re-sell that product in its entirety.  NOT with featured disabled or removed.  Another part of me understands that some publishers and development houses are fighting tooth and nail to survive.  The last thing I want to see is a gaming industry where only the giant, mega companies like Activision can survive.  The third part of me, the smart part, realizes that there MUST be some sort of compromise to be made.

The publisher’s position on used game sales is easy to understand.  Publishers don’t see a dime from used game sales – at least not directly.  They tend to dismiss the idea that used game trade-ins actually contribute to new game sales. 

Retailers certainly don’t give publishers any portion of used game sales.  In addition to that, retailers tend to only knock off 5 bucks at the most on the price of used – which they have learned is a perfectly acceptable price point for consumers.  “I can get the same game for 5 bucks less?  I’ll take it!”

Used game sales are almost pure profit for retailers.  With sites like Amazon that can cut prices to the bone on new games, retailers HAVE to keep their margins low on new games, and hence don’t see a large profit.  But sell them your used game for 25 bucks that they can turn around for more than double that, and you can see why they are happy with the way things are now.  Like the publishers, they are in business to make money.

So how could retailers and publishers work together to fix this?  I have a few ideas that they could try.

Make new game sales more compelling by lowering the introductory price.  If you want to make new games more compelling, quit trying to push prices UP.  I remember when game makers started making the switch from cartridges to disc-based media.  One of the way they sold this was that game prices would come down.  What they failed to mention is that they would shoot right back up shortly thereafter.  Now I’m not naive, I realize that development costs are a little bit crazy, but games at a softer price point could spurn larger sales numbers to make up the difference.

Lower initial game purchase price to brick and mortar retailers.  B&M stores NEED used game sales right now because they can’t compete with the power of Amazon and other retailers that can slash prices due to lower overheads and such.  Publishers have to help B&M retailers out, and one way to do that would be to sell new games at a discount to those retailers.  If you let them increase their profit margin on new releases, perhaps you could also work out a deal for part of that used game pie.

Find a way to restrict used game prices.  If you insist on implementing things like the $10 fee EA is putting in place, you need to control the price used games can be sold at.  Savvy gamers will be smart enough not to pay for used games at a mere $5 discount if they then are forced to pay $10 for full functionality, but not all game consumers are that well informed.  Work with the retailers.  Tell them if they want to be able to sell your NEW games in the future, they have to keep their used game prices down.

My question is this: why aren’t the publishers working with the retailers to find a way to remedy this? From the recent “new game only” DLC to the new one-time-use online codes from EA, the publishers are going right after the people who buy used games. Maybe it’s easier to go after the consumers rather than try to negotiate any kind of deal with retailers, but that’s no excuse.

Let’s imagine that a particular store is breaking street dates with reckless abandon. You decide to head over there to grab Super Awesome Robot Hunter 6 a little bit early. The game company finds out about said store, and decides to punish the people who bought the game early while allowing that store to continue its practice with no repercussions. In what universe does this make sense? If publishers want to see some money from those used game sales, they should start with the companies reaping all the profits – not the consumers.

While there aren’t as many “blockbuster” level announcements at E3 as there were in my younger days, I’m always hoping for some some surprises from the industry.  I thought it would be a fun exercise to think about what my “dream” E3 announcements would be.  Here are a few of the things I would love to see announced, but will not likely see the light of day for one reason or another.

A REAL Online Strategy for Nintendo

I know I’m far from alone on this one.  How great would it be to hear of the the arrival of a legitimate online strategy from the big N?  My first hope would be to hear that the idea of “friend codes” had met its demise, to be replaced by the WiiID.  (Use it Nintendo, please – I won’t even charge you!)  Nintendo NEEDS a persistent, unified online ID to join the 21st century online.  Everyone seems to understand this as necessary to a great online experience – at least everyone outside of Nintendo. 

At the same time they could unveil their own achievement system.  (I thought about calling their achievements Wii Wees, but that’s too crass for my taste.)  Nintendo should understand that other people have good ideas too, and it’s ok to steal them from time to time.

Natal and Move at Reasonable Price Points

Another pipe dream, I know, but I’d be on board with both of these if I didn’t have to shell out a Benjamin or more for them.  Why on earth would I spend over a hundred bucks on a borderline gimmicky add-on?  I’m finding every way I can to scrimp on cash nowadays (as are MANY people) and I’m not going to buy anything game-related that costs much more than a new game.

It’s also imperative that both accessories come with a packed-in game – and it MUST have some real value.  I practically wore out my Wii Sports disc because it was just plain fun. 

More Mature Gaming Experiences

And I don’t mean more boobies and gore.  I think Heavy Rain has shown that there IS a market for gaming experiences that handle more mature subject matter.  I don’t want my M ratings to be due to buckets of blood, decapitations, and sex mini-games; I want real content.  I want a story I have to think about every once in awhile.  I want experiences that speak to my demographic in new and exciting ways.  In my earlier days, I prided myself on my twitch skills in tough-as-nails platformers and action games.  I’m over that now.  I like games that make me think to win, games that will stay with me long after I power down the system. 

You know, like art.

Developers Realize We Don’t Care About 3D

Yes, I know 3D movies are all in vogue right now and all, but 3D gaming ain’t the same thing.  You can find a local theater to see a movie in 3D, and it’ll only cost you a few bucks more.  For a 3D gaming experience, you’re looking at an outlay in the $1500 range.  I sure as hell ain’t ready for something I’m not sure will be that much better than what I have now. 

The first time I saw an HDTV in action, my jaw hit the floor.  I HAD to have one.  The first time I saw a 3D TV?  I thought it was cool.  That’s it.

So please devs, focus your efforts on excellence in old-fashioned 2D gaming, and forget about the third dimension for now.  (Other than Nintendo anyhow, a portable system with a little 3D thrown in sounds alright to me.  Well, as long as we don’t get another Virtual Boy.)

A New PSP2 is Announced and Doesn’t Suck

As I said in a previous article, I really want to love the PSP. It’s just plain broken in too many ways.  The analog nub sucks and there’s only one of them, slow loading times are no good on a handheld, and the game library is tepid at best.  I want a handheld that’s both a graphics powerhouse and a great gaming machine with amazing titles.  Sony can get hardware right, they’ve proven that in the past.  I hope they took an honest look at what people didn’t like about the PSP and made some changes.  They certainly didn’t address enough of the issues with the failure that is the PSPGo, but I’m willing to give them another shot. 

Those are just a few things that would raise my gaming pulse.  Another online shooter?  Not so much.  Another mature, grisly open-world game?  Nah.  Give me some meaty announcements like the old days, and I’ll be a happy gamer.  So what are some things YOU would like to see out of E3?

We all have outlandish dreams of “what we’ll be when we grow up.”  Some kids dream of spacewalking as astronauts, some dream of game-winning shots in basketball, and some dream of becoming stars in Hollywood.  When I was young, the one job I wanted more than anything was as a Nintendo game counselor. 

I know this is hard to imagine now, but back in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, the heyday of the NES, there was no internet (at least not in regular usage.)  If you were stuck in a game, you couldn’t just hit Google up for a FAQ or walkthrough.  There was really only one option: the Nintendo Power Hotline, where you could talk to a totally awesome, totally LIVE game counselor to help you with your gaming problems.

I will freely admit that I needed their services quite a few times.  I remember phoning once for help on the original Zelda, and I also recall needing their expert assistance in Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest.  (I will also freely admit that even today I have no qualms about using and abusing walkthroughs and guides – I don’t have time to muck about in my games. )

I remember imagining what it would be like to work as a game play counselor.  I pictured them sitting in cubicles wearing headsets, hammering away at NES controllers while they played the latest and greatest games.  They must have been surrounded by binders covering everything from the Adventures of Lolo to Zanac.  At the time I had no real concept of computer databases, which is most likely what they actually used.  The whole constant game-playing part was probably not true either, but I like to imagine that it was. 

For a kid who loved video games like I did, what could have been better?  You mean I could get paid to play games and help kids beat Mother Brain in Super Metroid?  Hell yeah!  Sadly, as with all dreams, at some point you wake up.  After poking around this new-fangled internet a bit, I found out that Nintendo shut the program down some time in 2005.  Frankly, I’m surprised it lasted that long; I know by the late ‘90s there were virtually unlimited online resources for all your gaming hang-ups. 

And I’ll also admit that I never made any real attempt to become a game play counselor.  By the time I was old enough to give it a shot, my burning desire for the job had morphed into a burning desire for girls.   (Plus, growing the required mullet would probably dash any hopes I had of attracting the opposite sex.)  I still occasionally wax nostalgic about my old career dreams, but more often I try to focus on my career dream of today – writing about video games. 

I’m a bit of a cross-posting fiend lately, and you can also read this article on Bitmob and over at Polygamerous.

Remember way back in the day, when you first heard about the coming prequel trilogy for Star Wars?  If you’re anything like me, and you grew up on Star Wars, the news very nearly caused your head to explode like a pumpkin hitting the pavement on Halloween.  We were finally going to get the whole story about how Darth Vader became Darth Vader?  How could it go wrong!  Well, as it turns out, a lot of ways.  The point is this: oftentimes ideas look a heck of a lot better on paper than they do in practice.  Similarly, when I first caught wind of the coming PSP, I was beside myself with anticipation.  A handheld with analog support, a beautiful widescreen, and disc-based media – how could it go wrong?

Control Issues

When I think of excellence in terms of ergonomics, I think of Apple.  Every piece of hardware they make is incredibly easy to use.  From the first time I picked up an Ipod, I could navigate the interface and buttons as if it were the most natural thing in the world – not so with the PSP.  Why is the primary means of control on the PSP (the dreaded nub) positioned so close to the outermost corner of the unit?  I have hands that are on the small side, but even I have difficulties accessing and using the nub easily.  Besides its poor location in terms of actually trying to reach the thing, it can also make it difficult to maintain a firm grip on the $170 piece of hardware that you DO NOT WANT TO DROP.

The actual motion of the nub is problematic, as well.  It has an odd, slide-type motion somewhere between a control pad and a true analog stick.  In a lot of ways it reminds me of the slide pad on the old NES Max (way to use 20 year-old design ideas, Sony).  The wonky, slippery, imprecise control offered by the nub makes for a terrible gaming experience – I always seem to find myself over-correcting or losing grip on the stick entirely.

Perhaps the most egregious mistake of all regarding the analog nub is that there is only one.  If your system is designed to feature advanced 3D gaming, you dang well better have a second analog stick.  Think about it this way, how would you like to play a match of Halo 3 without the second analog stick?  Does that sound like fun to you?  Because of this, developers have to use hackneyed, Frankenstein-like control schemes in many 3D games on the PSP.  A not-so-fine example of this is the PSP version of Resistance, which used the four face buttons as a sort of stand-in for a second analog stick.  I haven’t had to do that since the days of the N64, and I don’t want to.

A Beautifully Broken View

The 4.3 inch widescreen on the PSP is breathtaking.  When I first powered mine up, the crispness and brightness of the screen blew me away.  It looks amazing whether you are watching your coveted UMD of Superbad or playing Gran Turismo PSP.  It is the greatest overall viewing experience I’ve ever had with a handheld.

Looks (even when talking about the screen) aren’t everything, however.  In my experience, 3D gaming on the PSP plain doesn’t work.  The reason isn’t the brightness or clarity of the screen, but rather its dimensions.  Widescreen is a great idea when talking computers or TVs, but I’m not sure it’s the right idea when it comes to handheld gaming.  I’ll show you why.

This first image comes from one of the Ratchet and Clank games for the PS2.  And now, for comparison, an image from R&C for the PSP.

Do you notice how much of the screen Ratchet occupies, and how much less real estate is devoted to the actual game world?  Between him and the UI elements at the top, there isn’t a whole lot of room for things like enemies and platforms.  The widescreen looks amazing, it really does, but it also tends to look squashed.  With R&C, I had a  hard time seeing enemies, or figuring out where the heck I was half the time.  I had similar issues with the GTA games – it can be tough to make a smooth getaway if you can’t see where you’re going.  There are games that get it right in this area, God of War among them, but just as many fail miserably.

The UMD

I’ll admit, I got suckered in by the allure of the lush soundtracks, voice-work, and storage space the UMD would provide.  I failed to recognize an awfully big drawback, however – loading times.  I tend to play handheld games more in snippets than in long sessions; I’ll try to snag five minutes while I’m making dinner, or squeeze in fifteen minutes while on the train.  If I have a mere five minutes to play, I don’t want to use 3 of them waiting for a game to load, or manage 2 minutes of actual gameplay only to be interrupted for more loading thereafter.  In the words of Liz Lemon, “that’s a deal breaker.”

Now I DO like the fact that, for the most part, I can switch the unit off in the middle of the game without causing any issues.  That’s just not enough to forgive the constant loading I have to deal with.

One last note about the UMD, why does Sony always have to use proprietary technologies when it comes to media?  The UMD, the Memory Stick, the Mini-Disc – maybe they should spend less time developing new media formats and more time working on ergonomics.

Why It’s So Hard to Fix

You’ll notice a theme in the major issues I have brought up here: they are all hardware related.  No firmware update can fix the poor location of the nub, and no game can expand the vertical real estate of the screen.  When Sony did decide to undertake a major hardware revision, they failed to address these key issues.  (On the contrary, they made some horrendous mis-steps, including removing the UMD drive completely, moving the nub to perhaps a WORSE location, and raising the price significantly.)

Hardware issues aside, any console is all about the games.  Many a powerful system has floundered due to poor software support, and Nintendo is living proof of the opposite: an underpowered machine can have great success with the right games.  I find it helpful to try and come up with the “must have” games for any particular platform – so what are the must have PSP titles?  God of War, Lumines, Patapon 2, maybe Metal Gear Solid, and….I’m starting to struggle already.  That’s not a good sign.  This isn’t to say there aren’t a lot of good games for the PSP, but I know of very few that fall into the category of must have.

Perhaps the issue is that Sony has attempted to bake too many functions into the PSP.  From the start they have pushed the PSP as a true multimedia device, focusing on things like its video and music capabilities.  The PSP is perfectly capable in these areas, but everyone and their grandmother has an Ipod to handle music duties (and handle them better), and I’ve never relished the idea of watching a lot of movies on a 4.3 inch screen.   What I had hoped for with the PSP was a handheld for the hardcore gamer in me; what I ended up with was akin to The Phantom Menace – a whole lot of wasted potential.